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Well, the first official CRAP, uh, whatever, has come and gone. I would first like to congradulate all the people who showed up, one by one. But I forget who they are, so I canít. (oh yes, now I remember, Silverberg, Perry, Ramer, Kendrill, Meagan, and Karen-Speling Dusnt Cownt! This is america.) those are the only people I saw, but I figure more people might have been there due to the-uh, physics of running. You know, that branch of physics that makes more sense than vending machine physics*, but less sense than real**-uh, um, nevermind. Anyway, according to running physics, several runners can start out from the same general location, run the same general course, the same general distance, but not at the same pace***, and end up at the same general area, getting close to the same time, stretch, maybe cool down****, and never once see each other at all during the entire period of time for which this entire "ordeal" or "waste of time" which would be what it is called in laymens terms*****. This is the runners physics law of invisible runners. It states that if one is truly crazy enough to run under certain conditions, wheather they be weather, or physical, or mental (I would just like to stress that Mental aspect again, Mental.) then most likely they will be subject to "dillusional blocs"or in laymens terms (who are these leymans anyway, and what did they ever do for us?) when most people have dillusions where they see things that arenít really there, then in this condition, they donít see things that really are there, people too! So-uh, I guess, if anyone else ran who I did not see because my brain was giving me the moagly joagleys******, ja-oh, kay, I mean, uh, man , I donít remember what I was about to say, uh, um. Nevermind.


*vending machine physics-vending machines are governed under laws of physics which do not apply to any other part of the universe, aside from the space in which they occupy. In other words, vending machines think theyíre better than the rest of the universe and in many respects they are. More on this later, because you know Iím going to run out of ideas some time so Iíll just have to go back and elaborate on old oneís so it sounds like Iím still being original and creative.

** most "regular" people are unable to grasp regular physics which have governing power over more than half of reality. So, as Frank would probably say, "Youíre too stupid to understand this, so Iím not going to waste my time or superior mental ability on trying to explain it to you." (As you can probably tell, heís not likely to ever tudor anyone, and their not likely to get much from it even if he did.)

***It is impossible, impossible, (except for a few exceptions) I repeat, impossible, for 2 people to run the same pace at the same time. Maybe 3, 4, or even 7, but not 2, never, itís virtually impossible (except for a few people).

****Ha! If you did not laugh at any other part of this newsletter, you should have laughed right here. Ha!

*****Leymen is just another name for "the common folk", you know "the simple people", "the morons".

******Um, I-uh, what? Oh. nevermind.